论如何错误地套路一个魔教教主 by 一只大雁
Chapter 1:
Currently in the martial arts world “Righteous” and “Wrong” have been in conflict for a long time. A bloody storm has flowed across the rivers and lakes* continuously as a result.
With the forces of the Demon Sect advancing, the Hao Ran League, a group of senior elder martial arts experts in the world have been worrying their own hair white but still have not thought of any way to deal with the situation.
Suddenly, their undercover agent gave news of the Demon Sect leader passing from a violent illness and that a new Demon Sect leader had taken up the throne; this person used to be the previous leader’s godson: named Ji Han, he is a man vastly skilled in martial arts. Highly intelligent and attentive, he acts resolutely without falter, yet still has one fault that could prove fatal for him.
He likes men.
The undercover agent witnessed that next to Ji Han’s bedside was a portrait of the current best swordsman in all the rivers and lakes of the world*: Zhao Jian Gue, dressed entirely in white and very handsome, rumors said that this portrait was hand drawn by Ji Han personally. From the moment Zhao Jian Gue became famous the portrait had apparently been hanging by Ji Han’s bedside.
With this intelligence given to the Hao Ran League an epiphany came to the leader: with Ji Han’s long term affections for Hero Zhao, so long as the man is willing to help them, then the league could be saved.
Zhao Jian Gue is a man known throughout the world for his swordsmanship and unparalled good looks. His swordsmanship prowess is considered unseen before in the last hundred or so years. The leader hurriedly sent to invite Zhao Jian Gue over. Offering up good water and tea, the entire league of the world’s martial arts seniors suddenly knelt before him and explained through tears their plan:
They want him to seduce the Demon Sect Leader.
Zhao Jian Gue: “… …”
*Jiang Hu = literally, rivers and lakes but it’s an idiom meaning all corners of the martial arts world.
Chapter 2
When all the respected seniors of the martial arts world are kneeling in front you, regardless of what they’re asking, you have to say yes. Even more so for Zhao Jian Gue who carried with him the title of a “hero”.
The Hao Ran League specially named Zhao Jian Gue savior of the martial arts world. The elders went as far as to book with heavy amounts of gold Jiangnan’s number one headliner of the White Flower Brothel, Yue Qing Qing, to come over and tutor Zhao Jian Gue on how to successfully seduce the Demon Sect leader.
Yue Qing Qing spread her hand fan and spoke charmingly: “Hero Zhao, you were born so attractive. You shouldn’t always have such a stiff expression, if you were to just smile a bit more, even angels would be entranced into falling for you.”
Zhao Jian Gue scrunched his brows, not replying one word.
Yue Qing Qing spoke again: “You could also say some soft words too, men love to hear soft words…”
Zhao Jian Gue asked: “Soft words?”
Yue Qing Qing covered her mouth while she laughed: “If you were to call someone ‘dearest darling’, who could possibly not love you back?”
Zhao Jian Gue coldly replied: “How can such impetuous words be spoken of so liberally.”
Yue Qing Qing’s expression became a bit awkward: “Hero Zhao, can you treat me with a kinder gaze and not use such murderous eyes to stare down this humble servant?”
Zhao Jian Gue coldly turned away.
Yue Qing Qing felt extremely awkward: “Hero Zhao, you should at least smile a little. Just smiling a bit would be very nice…come on smile!”
Zhao Jian Gue remained silent for a while before barely managing to pull up the corners of his mouth.
Yue Qing Qing: “………..”
Zhao Jian Gue: “………..”
Yue Qing Qing: “………..”
Zhao Jian Gue: “………..”
Yue Qing Qing returned the gold to book her, expressing her inability to teach such a student.
3
The elders, angry at the failed attempt and impatient for improvement, hired from Qinhuai River, their most famous male escort, Yu Xian Er.
Yu Xian Er had proclaimed before that the amount of male escorts he’d taught in the world were in the tens of millions. That no matter how cold the individual is, so long as they pass through his hands, that individual can become a coquettish, charming, little waist flexing slut that causes everyone’s noses to bleed.
The first step in teaching is naturally to have Hero Zhao take off his clothes. Yu Xian Er extended out a slender white elegant hand to grab onto Zhao Jian Gue’s neckline but his hand immediately got grabbed and constricted at the pulse line of the wrist.
Yu Xian Er exclaimed a shrill painful sound before looking up to see Zhao Jian Gue’s ice cold countenance.
Yu Xian Er whispered softly: “Hero Zhao, only when you’ve removed your clothes can I most effectively teach you.”
Zhao Jian Gue shot him a gaze, speaking: “Such an obscene display during the daytime, completely improper!”
Yu Xian Er still would not give up; he purposely shifted back and forth against Zhao Jian Gue’s body, movements as fluid as spring water, wanting to awaken the passion suppressed down in Zhao Jian Gue’s heart.
Zhao Jian Gue frigidly declared: “If you move again I’ll twist off your wrist.”
Yu Xian Er: “… …”
Yu Xian Er had no choice but to stand up straight, resentfully turning to leave. His feet accidentally stepped on the hem of his own clothes, eyes looking toward the ground he prepared for impact but Zhao Jian Gue extended a hand out to grab him and ended up catching him in both arms. He declared, still in that cold indifferent tone: “Take care.”
Yu Xian Er’s eyes took in Zhao Jian Gue’s up close handsome appearance, dressed in clothes white as snow, and found his own heart pounding inside himself. In the middle of his cradled long dip, Yu Xian Er suddenly felt a spark seemingly ignite in his heart.
… …
Yu Xian Er ended up resigning and returning the money the elders paid as well.
“Hero Zhao’s entire self is too righteous,” he said. “I can’t teach him.”
The martial arts elders wouldn’t give up, grabbing ahold of Yu Xian Er they said they were willing to pay more, just that he try once more to teach.
Yu Xian Er: “It isn’t a matter of money.”
He hesitated for a long time, before suddenly lowering his head which had taken a shade of blushing red.
Yu Xian Er: “I’m afraid that if I continue teaching, I’ll fall in love with him.”
Martial arts elders: “… …”
4
The martial arts elders felt themselves out of options.
Their undercover agent gave news that the Demon Sect leader had disguised himself and was currently in the vicinity of the Hao Ran League.
They couldn’t wait any longer!
The group of elder heroes got together to write a book of possible scenario responses, made sure Zhao Jian Gue had the entire thing memorized, told him to contact their undercover agent should anything happen –before kicking him off the Hao Ran League with the made up excuse that Zhao Jian Gue accidentally killed the leader’s head disciple; as part of the story, the elders led a group of martial artists to hunt him down.
According to the plan, Zhao Jian was supposed to be outnumbered by his enemies with a severely injured body that would collapse right in the path of the Demon Sect’s leader, he would then be taken in, and then eventually certain ‘unspeakable’ things would happen between them.
But they soon realized that this plan was a bit unrealistic.
Zhao Jian Gue after all was the number one swordsman in all the world; the entire group that ‘chased’ him was unable to touch even his sleeve.
The leader of the league shouted wearily to him: “Hero Zhao! You have to pretend to be injured!”
Zhao Jian Gue spoke: “If I were to actually get wounded by you guys that would look even more suspicious.”
The leader of the martial arts world suddenly realized: oh right.
Zhao Jian Gue’s reputation is widespread famous after all: how could someone like him be so easily injured? The Demon Sect’s leader had an extremely exquisite, questioning mind too, had they actually gone by the original plan then the leader would have surely thought this was something afoot by the Righteous Sects.
Good thing they had an alternative plan.
… …
Zhao Jian Gue hugged his sword as he waited for the Demon Sect leader to appear by the roadside that led to the Hao Ran League.
From a distance he saw a horse carriage approaching that looked exactly like the style the secret agent said the sect leader took. He stepped forward to block the road. When the aggressively driven carriage approached him, the driver sent a whiplash towards him –only to have his own whip get caught and nearly yanked off of his own carriage.
The driver quickly stopped the caravan and viciously shouted at him: “What rubbish are you to dare and halt our carriage!”
Zhao Jian Gue said: “I’m a human. Driving so rampage-like, you guys should be careful not to hurt passers-by.”
The driver still wanted to admonish some more but coming from inside the carriage came a very cold voice: “Enough.”
The carriage driver shut his mouth.
Zhao Jian Gue knew that inside the carriage was the Demon Sect leader in disguise.
Demon Sect leader asked: “Who are you?”
Zhao Jian Gue had no choice but to follow the script the elders had given him: “I’m a human.”
Demon Sect leader: “What kind of person?”
Zhao Jian Gue indifferently said: “A lost person.”
Demon Sect leader: “Where are you going?”
Zhao Jian Gue wrinkled his brows, waited a long moment before finally, resolutely speaking the next half of the script.
Zhao Jian Gue: “The road to your heart.”
Demon Sect leader: “… …”
5
Suddenly the entire landscape fell silent; everyone shut their mouths and didn’t say another word.
After a while, someone finally lifted the carriage’s curtain.
Zhao Jian Gue looked towards a youth in his early 20s wearing all black as he sat in the middle of the carriage, watching him coldly.
The leader of the martial arts world had let him see a portrait of Ji Han before. The painting had about 70-80% similarity with the person currently before him. Very good. The one in the carriage was indeed the Demon Sect leader, Ji Han.
According to the plan those heroes had come up with, Ji Han should presently be shocked by his appearance. When the subject of one’s long term affections suddenly appears, there will undoubtedly be some kind of visceral reaction. Zhao Jian Gue need only wait with a shut mouth for Ji Han to react, then choose the most appropriate reply from the list of possible scripts those heroes had given him.
Ji Han’s cold expression indeed showed a surge of emotion.
Zhao Jian Gue started going through in his head all the possible lines he’d spent all morning memorizing.
Ji Han asked: “Zhao Jian Gue?”
Zhao Jian Gue answered: “Yes.”
Ji Han laughed frigidly. “Very good.”
Zhao Jian Gue didn’t reply.
Those elderly heroes did not tell him how to respond to this specific phrase and he was too afraid of messing up the entire plan to do anything except shut up and wait.
Ji Han asked another question: “Where’s your sword?”
Zhao Jian Gue: “My sword?”
The direction of this meetup seemed a bit wrong.
Ji Han furrowed his brows in displeasure, coldly inquiring once more: “Where’s your sword?”
Zhao Jian Gue intoned: “My sword is with me.”
Ji Han sternly barked: “Unsheathe your sword.”
Zhao Jian Gue felt his entire heart at a loss. “Why do you want me to unsheathe my blade?”
Ji Han answered coldly: “The world uniformly says you’re the best swordsman in the land, I’m not content with this result. I hang your portrait on my bedroom wall so as to remind myself to train daily so that I can one day defeat you.”
Zhao Jian Gue: “… …”
This scenario seemed very different from what was foretold.
Zhao Jian Gue pondered for a long while before carefully saying: “I don’t want to battle with you in a place like this-”
When all is said and done, he was sent here to seduce the Demon Sect leader. If they were to do battle then there will inevitably be injuries and a casualty –it’d be great if he were to win but what if he were to lose, then what would the Hao Ran League do?
Ji Han interrupted his words: “Then what exactly do you want?”
Having spent all morning memorizing the scripts, finally a line matches!
Instinctively, Zhao Jian Gue blurted out his next response: “I want you!”
Ji Han: “… …”
Definitely-Not-Embarrassed's Chinese Translations 
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